Parental Alienation Syndrome
At its heart, Parental Alienation Syndrome, or PAS, is quite simple: it’s where one parents attempts to turn the children against the other parent. Where divorces are less than amicable, it’s sadly not uncommon, and generally used by mothers in an attempt to ensure little or no contact between their exes and children.
Done subtly it can be hard to prove, and at its worst it can produce allegations of child abuse against the fathers. Even when not pressed to those extremes, it causes anguish for thousands of men (which isn’t to say fathers haven’t used it against mothers, but in general it’s mothers who are the perpetrators).
In court the result can be devastating, resulting in minimal or no contact for fathers.
How it Works
PAS is a kind of brainwashing. If the parent with custody can convince the child that it doesn’t want anything to do with the father, that carries weight in court, since one of the factors taken into account regarding contact is the wishes of the child. For obvious reasons, it works better with younger children, who are more easily swayed and subject to emotional pressures. In difficult situations they naturally want to please the parent they’re with.It can happen for any number of reasons, from fear of losing the children to the other parent to revenge, and many things in between, some easy to analyse, others not. Trying to establish the root cause can often be impossible.
Is it Legal?
If it could be proven that a parent had used PAS, there could be legal repercussions. In practice, however, establishing that can very difficult. Using it on a child is a form of abuse in medical terms, and legally it becomes a type of coaching, both of which are illegal.What would tend to happen, though, is that the custodial parent’s assertions of the child’s wishes would end up being ignored when it came to contact. A few courts might order family therapy, but would be unlikely to prosecute beyond that. That said, authorities do recognise it happens.
What Can the Victim do?
For the victim, generally the father, to prove PAS is very difficult. You’ll need a good solicitor, a Child Welfare Officer who’s willing to go beyond the surface to investigate your side of the story, and the willingness to pursue this, probably at County Court level, which means expense.You’ll need extensive notes on conversations with the other parent, a diary of time spent with the children and their excuses for not spending time with you. Note instances where the other parent has gone to schools or clubs to say you should have no contact with your children there (if that has happened), or if the other parent has stopped the child communicating with other members of your family (or if the child has said that’s what he or she wishes).
The stronger the body of evidence you can build, the greater your chances of proving PAS and re-establishing contact. The problem, though, is that eventually the children can believe it really is their wish not to see you.
Where there is a contact order, try to make sure you see your kids. It keeps a line open, and acts as assurance that they don’t really hate you. It also opens the door for more contact. If it’s possible to keep communication with the mother – which in many cases it won’t be – then do so; minds can change, and it all becomes more ammunition if you have to go to court.
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