Emotional Implications for Men
Divorce can have a devastating emotional impact on both men and women, whether you’re the person filing for divorce or not. Whilst many feelings will be common to both men and women when they’re faced with the fact that their marriage has come to an end, the impact can also be felt differently depending on whether you’re a man or a woman.
Worries about Loss of ChildrenIf a couple have children, men often feel a greater sense of loss and vulnerability than women as they understand that, in the overwhelming majority of cases, it will be the woman who gets custody of the children. This of course, is unless there are extremely good reasons why they should live with their father.
Loss of Role/IdentityA man’s feelings of self-worth are often tied into how they perceive their roles in society. Even if their wife is working, many men identify themselves as being the main ‘provider’ to their family, they place importance on their role as husband and father. And, whilst it’s equally true that women also place great emphasis on these issues too, the fact that it’s likely that the man not only loses a wife but also ‘loses’ his children, in terms of day to day residing with them, means that his sense of loss of identity is often greater than that of a woman who will still have the daily role of being a mother in most cases.
Friendships and SupportWhen people have gone through a divorce it’s important to have a good social network of friends to support them through this difficult time and you’ll probably want to get your feelings out and to share your darkest fears with close friends.
This is where men often get to feel even greater despair as women, by nature, generally tend to find it easier to discuss intimate fears and feelings with their close female friends whereas it’s not usually quite as easy for men to feel comfortable doing the same. Often, men will simply opt for ‘hanging out with the boys’, which won’t help them to discuss any emotional issues they might be experiencing.
Consequently their feelings will be kept bottled up which can have negative implications in them materialising as anger or violence towards others.
If you feel lonely and need someone to talk to, conact the samaritans on 08457 909090 or visit their website.
Lack of IntimacyMen have been shown to suffer far more than women of a lack of intimacy when they become divorced. This is borne out by figures which suggest that men tend to remarry far more quickly than women as it’s often harder for them to establish meaningful social connections when single.
Other EmotionsThe reasons for divorce are often different and an ending of a marriage is going to mean different emotional responses for different people but many of the emotions experienced by men at this time (and indeed some women) can include insecurity, anger, resentment, fear, impatience, doubt, guilt, lack of self-esteem, loss of control, sense of being a victim and a desire to get even. Financial worries also add to the stress.
Studies have revealed that divorced men are six times more likely to commit suicide than men who have not been divorced so it’s important to recognise that the impact divorce has on men should be treated perhaps slightly differently to the way a woman might be treated for emotional issues following a divorce.