Controlling Your Anger after Divorce
When you say ‘I do’ you expect it your marriage to last forever, so it stands to reason that when a marriage ends it will take some time to adjust to life without your ex. You may be the one who instigated the divorce, or you can find yourself having to cope with a divorce that you didn’t want in the first place. Whatever your circumstances you can find yourself feeling a type of anger the intensity of which you haven’t experienced before, and it can be difficult to know how to deal with it.
When a relationship breaks down both people will experience a broad range of feelings such as sadness, bitterness, anger, frustration, hurt and sometimes even relief. However, during this time it can be difficult to maintain control of your emotions, as you go through the process of separating yourself emotionally and physically from someone with whom you’ve spent a considerable proportion of your life.
Get Angry!One of the most important elements of the healing process is recognising and allowing yourself to feel the emotions you are experiencing. It is ok to feel grief, sadness, loss and hurt – these are natural human responses. It is easy, especially when there are children involved, to put on a brave face for them or to shove aside your own feelings because you are afraid of not being able to control them once you allow them to surface. Women in particular can be prone to ignoring their negative emotions because they don’t feel as though they are either acceptable or legitimate.
Suppressed anger can lead to depression so it is important to explore the reasons why you feel angry and vent those feelings safely. Anger is a form of energy: it is healthy and normal, so allow yourself to express it. Some people punch a pillow, others go to the top of a hill and scream, whilst others hit the gym for a rigorous work out. Whatever you choose to do, it is vital that you find a means of expressing the way you feel.