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Who Gets Custody?

By: James Bloom - Updated: 31 Oct 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Marriage Relationship Divorce Breaking

Deciding on residency arrangements (previously known as custody) for your children after you break up can be a complicated issue. If you and your partner cannot agree together on where they will live, a court can be asked to decide. Depending on your individual circumstances, this can be a painful process. The courts will only make a residency order if all other options have been exhausted.

Parental Responsibility

When a married couple separate, both mother and father have parental responsibility. If they are unmarried, only the mother has automatic rights in respect of the child, so if they break up, she has the sole right to look after her child in a manner and place as she sees fit.

Since 2002, an unmarried father can also acquire parental responsibility if he jointly registers the child’s birth with the mother. He can also get parental responsibility if both partners sign a Parental Responsibility Agreement. This can be done at any time during the relationship or separation and can also be ordered by a court during or after the separation process.

Whether or not the father has parental responsibility, he is still responsible for the financial support of his children. He can be contacted by the Child Support Agency for this money.

Deciding Residency

One of the forms usually presented at court along with a divorce petition is a Statement of Arrangements, which proposes where and with whom the children will live, schools they will attend, who looks after them and how often they see the other parent.

The divorce petitioner should, as a matter of good practise, present the statement to the other parent for agreement before it is submitted. Courts encourage the parents to reach an agreement without them having to get involved. If you are having trouble reaching an agreement, it may be worth seeing a mediator before you divorce.

Mediators can be very helpful resolving sensitive issues like where your children will live. They provide an organised and constructive environment in which you can look at all the possible options and concerns and decide which is the most beneficial for your children and you. They have a good track record in helping children maintain family relationships. Mediation can be free depending on your circumstances.

At the start of divorce proceedings, the court will set up a conciliation appointment. If this does not result in agreement, the court will get both you and your partner to talk to a CAFCASS officer, from the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Services. If an agreement still cannot be reached, the officer you see will take statements and make a recommendation to the court.

It is important to co-operate with the CAFCASS officer as their opinion is very influential to the court’s decision.

How the Courts Decide

In the 1989 Children’s Act, it states that when the court makes any decision about a child, the child’s welfare must be the court’s ‘paramount consideration’. There is a list of key factors they take into account when making their decision:
  • Your child’s wishes and feelings. These will be given more consideration the older the child is.
  • Your child’s physical, emotional and educational needs. This covers both love & affection and food & housing.
  • The likely effect of a change of circumstances on your child. Their greatest concern here will be causing minimum disturbance to the child.
  • Your child’s age, sex and background. This could include cultural, religious or disability needs.
  • If your child has suffered harm or is at risk of suffering harm. Recently, this also includes any domestic abuse the child has seen or heard.
  • The parents’ capabilities with regard to the child’s needs. This can include assessing whether the non-resident parent is capable of caring for the child. Or whether either parent is impaired by drink or drugs.
  • The range of powers available to the court. There are a range of orders a court can make. Sometimes they decide no order is necessary.
More than half of all cases where residency is ordered by a court result in the mother being awarded sole residency. Around one-fifth result in sole residency being awarded to the father (a significant increase from the 1990s). Joint residency is also awarded in approximately one-fifth of divorces.

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[Add a Comment]
Bacys - Your Question:
Hi, I'm separating with my partner and we have daughter together. I would like our daughter to stay with her, but she has drinking problems. And I don't trust her. What court would SAY? what kind of proof I would need to provide. Because I don't think she will admit it.

Our Response:
Any agreements for access or mutual parenting should be agreed between you both. Court is deemed as a last resort when all other negotiations have failed, including mediation. If your ex has a drinking problem, then you may wish to discuss what care you both think is best for your daughter between you.
DivorceResource - 2-Nov-17 @ 2:58 PM
Hi, I'm separating with my partner and we have daughter together. I would like our daughter to stay with her, but she has drinking problems. And I don't trust her. What court would SAY?what kind of proof I would need to provide. Because I don't think she will admit it.
Bacys - 31-Oct-17 @ 3:24 PM
Mum - Your Question:
I am just separating my partner wants shared custody where me sons stays with him mon- thurs ! He has never looked after him and I go away once a year and my parents look after him cause he can’t , my son has special needs , and my ex doesn’t understand half the time , I don’t feel save him having him like that , I want him to see him cause hie is his dad , but over night is scaring me , and he has some medical issues too , am I in the right to say no ?

Our Response:
If you feel it is in your son's best interests to say no, then you have every right. However, it may be wise to consider mediation in order to come to an arrangement, otherwise your ex would have the option to apply to court. In which case, the court would decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your child.
DivorceResource - 24-Oct-17 @ 2:45 PM
I have 2 sons aged 8/4.We live in the family home in West Sussex.My husband and their dad left us 4 months ago.I work part time and he works full time.He still provides for them financially.As I work early shifts at the airport and my family being in Scotland he has to stay overnight when I’m working during the week and he takes them to his sisters on the weekends when I work. This equates to approx 11 Days per month. I’m not happy at him staying but we have no choice. However I Maybe made redundant from my job in the new year and I would love to return home to Scotland with my sons.I would like to sell the house in the south and split the equity so we can move on with our lives.I would struggle financially in the south on my own compared with Scotland due to the cost of living being higher.Also I have my family for support and help in Scotland which is invaluable. How feasible is it that a court would rule in favour of me taking my boys up to Scotland?Their dad has already voiced his that he is not I favour of the move despite me saying he can have the boys on school Holidays.
Scotsmum - 24-Oct-17 @ 12:54 PM
I have 2 sons aged 8/4.We live in the family home in West Sussex.My husband and their dad left us 4 months ago.I work part time and he works full time.He still provides for them financially.As I work early shifts at the airport and my family being in Scotland he has to stay overnight when I’m working during the week and he takes them to his sisters on the weekends when I work. This equates to approx 11 Days per month. I’m not happy at him staying but we have no choice. However I Maybe made redundant from my job in the new year and I would love to return home to Scotland with my sons.I would like to sell the house in the south and split the equity so we can move on with our lives.I would struggle financially in the south on my own compared with Scotland due to the cost of living being higher.Also I have my family for support and help in Scotland which is invaluable. How feasible is it that a court would rule in favour of me taking my boys up to Scotland?Their dad has already voiced his that he is not I favour of the move despite me saying he can have the boys on school Holidays.
Scotsmum - 24-Oct-17 @ 12:36 PM
I am just separating my partner wants shared custody where me sons stays with him mon- thurs ! He has never looked after him and I go away once a year and my parents look after him cause he can’t , my son has special needs , and my ex doesn’t understand half the time , I don’t feel save him having him like that , I want him to see him cause hie is his dad , but over night is scaring me , and he has some medical issues too , am I in the right to say no ?
Mum - 20-Oct-17 @ 8:04 AM
Retta - Your Question:
I am seeing this guy he lives in one country and his wife lives in England with there one year old son he send money for his son every month he wants a divorce but afraid he might not see his son he haven't been with his wife in over a year. If he divorce her like how he is the sole financial supporter of his son would he get his son after the divorce? Bear in mind that the baby was born in the UK

Our Response:
It is more than likely the son would remain with the person who is currently the primary carer of the child (in this case, the mother). Who the child lives with permanently is not dependent upon which parent is the sole financial supporter.
DivorceResource - 3-Oct-17 @ 10:07 AM
I am seeing this guy he lives in one country and his wife lives in England with there one year old son he send money for his son every month he wants a divorce but afraid he might not see his son he haven't been with his wife in over a year. If he divorce her like how he is the sole financial supporter of his son would he get his son after the divorce? Bear in mind that the baby was born inthe UK
Retta - 2-Oct-17 @ 5:44 AM
Hct1977 - Your Question:
Hi , me and my ex are separated now, from almost one year. We have 2 daughter's, 5 and 3, we agree first that we will have the kids 50/50, than she moved 45 miles away, now I'm seeing my files every 2 weeks, she used to get them to me, I used to take them back, now she wants me to pick/drop them off, I told her I can't afford this , she told me that I will not see my kids then. Is this possible?Regards

Our Response:
If you and your ex cannot agree, you would have to suggest to your ex that you both attend mediation in order to sort these issues out. Mediation is when two or more parties meet to resolve problems before the matter reaches court. It is most often used in family proceedings. It is a formal negotiation and courts can accept the agreement of the mediation instead of having to go through the court process, although it is subject to final court approval. If your ex refuses to attend mediation, then you would have the option to take the matter to court. The court will then decide upon what it thinks is in your children's best interests. If you were seeing your children more frequently, the court will try to help you maintain this. The can also instruct your ex to meet you halfway if it feels the arrangement is unfair. If you gave your ex permission to move away on the basis you would share the dropping off and picking up of your children and your ex has since renaged on this arrangement, the court can request the former arrangement continues. However, it is impossible to predict what a court may decide as much will depend upon the circumstances.
DivorceResource - 12-Sep-17 @ 10:34 AM
Hi , me and my ex are separated now, from almost one year. We have 2 daughter's, 5 and 3, we agree first that we will have the kids 50/50, than she moved 45 miles away, now I'm seeing my files every 2 weeks, she used to get them to me, I used to take them back, now she wants me to pick/drop them off, I told her I can't afford this , she told me that I will not see my kids then. Is this possible? Regards
Hct1977 - 10-Sep-17 @ 11:24 PM
Helsbels - Your Question:
My son lives with his wife and two children in there three bed rm council house but his wife wants a divorce The tenancy agreement of the house was my sons before he married he the had her name but on it how does he stand does the council have to rehouse him if the house is given to her as he has nowhere to live and the mother in law is getting a bit ott

Our Response:
You can see more via the CAB link here . Your son can speak to someone via the Shelter link here if he wishes to speak to someone directly, as much will depend upon his personal circumstances.
DivorceResource - 1-Sep-17 @ 4:04 PM
My son lives with his wife and twochildren in there three bed rm councilhouse but his wife wants a divorce The tenancy agreement of the house was my sons before he married he the had her name but on it how does he stand does the council have to rehouse him if the house is given to her as he has nowhere to live and the mother in law is getting a bit ott
Helsbels - 29-Aug-17 @ 9:59 PM
Hi, My ex husband and I divorced 2 years ago - we went to mediation in July 2016 and agreed on shared care for our 2 year old son 50/50 split - 3 weeks later my ex told me he couldn't cope with our son and only wanted to see him on a Sunday 10-5pm - this has been happening for 1 year. We went to mediation again today August 2017 I agreed with him alternate weekends but didn't agree with one night in the week due to our son being so young and in bed by 6.30/7pm. He wouldn't agree to that and has now told me he is taking me to court for 50/50 custody. What are the chances of him getting this? We both work full time, our son goes to pre school 2 days a week that is 5 minutes down the road from my house and to his maternal grandparents 3 days a week again 5 minutes away. My ex lives 30 mins away. Thank you for your help.
Shell - 16-Aug-17 @ 5:50 PM
Missmum - Your Question:
Hi,Me and my partner where together 2 years, our son is now 1. We split up recently and he wants him 50/50. Not once the entire time we were together did he change a nappy or take the child at night for me. I did everything for him and I've always been the primary carer. Its only from we broke up that he has this sudden interest. I work part time so am fully capable of being there. My ex works full time and cannot keep the child in his routine. I have him in bed at 7 every night yet when he says with his dad he comes back and isn't sleeping until 12 at night. He is black mailing me saying that if I don't give him 50/50 he will say that I physically abused him. I slapped him once and aplogised which is nothing compared to what he has did. He threw a remote at me while I had the child in my arms just missed by an inch. He has threw me on the ground I also have a witness to this. He has financially and psychologically abused me. His mother screamed at me in a public place and in front of my child called me a slut I reported this to the police. He has me terrified because him and his family would say anything to take my son off me. At the minute I have my child and my ex sees him 4 hours on a sat and sun when he is not working. I'm not denying access a much as I hate him I wouldn't do that. I suggested 1 night one weekend and 2 nights the next. Which I think is completely reasonable considering the child doesn't even want to be there, every time he comes back he is clinging to me and cries everytime I leave the room. I just don't know what the right thing to do is. Is there any chance at all that he would get 50/50?

Our Response:
We cannot specify what a court may decide. Where there are accusations of domestic violence and the matter goes to court (if it cannot be resolved via mediation), then Cafcass will get involved and write a report. The Cafcass staff who compile the reports are known as 'children and family reporter's. It’s their job to interview both parents in the case, as well as the children, and any others who might be needed, which could mean social workers, medical professionals, or even relatives. From the interviews they conduct, the reporter will determine two things: whether there should be contact allowed, and, if so, how much. It’s a measure of how important the Cafcass recommendation is that the court will almost invariably adhere to it. As in all cases both parents will be treated equally. However, the court objective is to always decide upon what it thinks is in the best interests of your son.
DivorceResource - 4-Aug-17 @ 12:33 PM
Hi, Me and my partner where together 2 years, our son is now 1. We split up recently and he wants him 50/50. Not once the entire time we were together did he change a nappy or take the child at night for me. I did everything for him and I've always been the primary carer. Its only from we broke up that he has this sudden interest. I work part time so am fully capable of being there. My ex works full time and cannot keep the child in his routine. I have him in bed at 7 every night yet when he says with his dad he comes back and isn't sleeping until 12 at night. He is black mailing me saying that if I don't give him 50/50 he will say that I physically abused him. I slapped him once and aplogised which is nothing compared to what he has did. He threw a remote at me while I had the child in my arms just missed by an inch. He has threw me on the ground I also have a witness to this. He has financially and psychologically abused me. His mother screamed at me in a public place and in front of my child called me a slut I reported this to the police. He has me terrified because him and his family would say anything to take my son off me. At the minute I have my child and my ex sees him 4 hours on a sat and sun when he is not working. I'm not denying access a much as I hate him I wouldn't do that. I suggested 1 night one weekend and 2 nights the next. Which I think is completely reasonable considering the child doesn't even want to be there, every time he comes back he is clinging to me and cries everytime I leave the room. I just don't know what the right thing to do is. Is there any chance at all that he would get 50/50?
Missmum - 4-Aug-17 @ 1:20 AM
sushi - Your Question:
HiMy partner and I have split up, we have 4 children from 12 years to 1 year. I still breastfeed my 1 year old and he has never spent a night away from me. My partner wants shared custody where he gets the kids either 3 nights in a row at a time or a week at a time. I am a stay at home mom and he works long hours often not getting home in time for the kids bed time, my youngest relies on me to put him to sleep and wakes up for feeds during the night. Will he get 50/50 access granted to have the kids 3 nights to a week in a row at a time?

Our Response:
It is unlikely your partner would get shared access if you are the primary carer of your youngest and you are still breastfeeding. If he is working long hours, it is unlikely he will be awarded shared-care through the courts if you can justify your reasons.
DivorceResource - 3-Aug-17 @ 3:07 PM
Hi My partner and I have split up, we have 4 children from 12 years to 1 year. I still breastfeed my 1 year old and he has never spent a night away from me. My partner wants shared custody where he gets the kids either 3 nights in a row at a time or a week at a time. I am a stay at home mom and he works long hours often not getting home in time for the kids bed time, my youngest relies on me to put him to sleep and wakes up for feeds during the night. Will he get 50/50 access granted to have the kids 3 nights to a week in a row at a time?
sushi - 2-Aug-17 @ 11:03 PM
Karen - Your Question:
Hi, I am married to a saudi man of which I have known for 10 yrs but married for 1 yr. hes on a eu family member visa and we have a child in the muddle who is going to turn 1 soon. Unfortunately we are divorcing.which has left me torn but its the healthest decision for us and most importantly for our baby son. I know here in the uk you get joint custody but what happens if your afraid your husband will take your son to saudi and never see him again?? I currently have lawyers but my ex is denying the divorce because of his visa and ocf he cares for our son, but in the beginning of our divorce things were pretty bad as he put alot of fear in me and I was soo terrified of him and my sons safety. He emotionaly gets to me & often makes me feel guilty.but for what?for leaving and for my son Im so truamatised by his actions. And in the past he has said he would fight to take my son. What advise would you give me and what can I do??

Our Response:
Your husband must get the permission of everyone with parental responsibility for a child or from a court before he is allowed to take his/your child abroad, please see link here. However, if you remain concerned, you can seek mediation as a way to try to resolve any access issues between you. Mediation is seen as a legal requirement before a court application can be submitted. If your husband refuses, then you can apply to court either for a child arrangement order which will determine with whom your child should live with, please see link here . Likewise, a Prohibited Steps Order (PSO), is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. We have all heard the stories of a parent taking their child for the weekend and not returning them or going abroad with them and it becoming extremely difficult for the other parent to get their child back. Thankfully, this is one of the scenarios that a PSO seeks to prevent. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
DivorceResource - 28-Jul-17 @ 12:26 PM
Hi, i am married to a saudi man of which i have known for 10 yrs but married for 1 yr. hes on a eu family member visa and we have a child in the muddle who is going to turn 1 soon. Unfortunately we are divorcing..which has left me torn but its the healthest decision for us and most importantly for our baby son. I know here in the uk you get joint custody but what happens if your afraid your husband will take your son to saudi and never see him again?? I currently have lawyers but my ex is denying the divorce because of his visa and ocf he cares for our son, but in the beginning of our divorce things were pretty bad as he put alot of fear in me and i was soo terrified of him and my sons safety. He emotionaly gets to me & often makes me feel guilty..but for what?for leaving and for my son Im so truamatised by his actions. And in the past he has said he would fight to take my son. What advise would you give me and what can i do??
Karen - 27-Jul-17 @ 2:22 AM
jamjar - Your Question:
Hi my husband I spiltting up can I take my childern with me to my mums

Our Response:
You would have to negotiate this between you, please see CAB link here for further information.
DivorceResource - 25-Jul-17 @ 10:47 AM
hi my husband i spiltting up can i take my childern with me to my mums
jamjar - 24-Jul-17 @ 8:29 AM
Hi My wife and me has been married for 10years and have 2 kids under 7. I'm the sole provider since we been married but have supported my wife and her family with numerous failed business adventures and our main problem is her mother. To keep it short our marriage is falling apart because her mother and father won't stop interfering. I've basically been told by her parents that if we split up... my wife and kids will move in with them and they'll make sure my wife gets all custody. It's a sticky situation but mainly can my wife just take our kids out off our house?
Martin - 15-Jul-17 @ 11:18 PM
Mrsbear - Your Question:
Hi I have a friend who isn't married to his current partner but they have a 3 year old together, he is at a point where he no longer wants to be in the relationship but is staying for the sake of his son who has autism, the mother has already threatened that if he were to leave he would never see his son again l, he doesn't want visitation rights he wants joint custody, the mother does nothing he sorts out all appointments for his sons autism and any health issues along the way, basically with out his dad around he would get the full care he needed for his autism, my question is would he have a hard time getting joint custody.?

Our Response:
Much depends upon the level of caring he does already. For instance, if he works full-time and the mother is a stay-at-home mother, then it is likely the court may continue this arrangement. If your friend splits the caring equally, then he has a better chance, if the matter goes to court. However, it is impossible to predict as much depends upon how determined and to what lengths the mother of his child will go to, to prevent access.
DivorceResource - 13-Jul-17 @ 4:26 PM
Hi I have a friend who isn't married to his current partner but they have a 3 year old together, he is at a point where he no longer wants to be in the relationship but is staying for the sake of his son who has autism, the mother has already threatened that if he were to leave he would never see his son again l, he doesn't want visitation rights he wants joint custody, the mother does nothing he sorts out all appointments for his sons autism and any health issues along the way, basically with out his dad around he would get the full care he needed for his autism, my question is would he have a hard time getting joint custody......?
Mrsbear - 11-Jul-17 @ 8:27 PM
Suhari - Your Question:
A question on behalf of my wife's friend, who is Thai.She is married to an English man, living here on a visa which expires in a year; in order to stay longer she will need a settlement visa. The husband wants a divorce, so this visa will clearly not happen, meaning she will return to Thailand.There is a young child, born in Thailand and with dual citizenship. The husband and his wider family want custody.The wife has no job, since she spends her time looking after the child.In the event of divorce, and given the visa/citizenship situation, what may be the implications for custody?

Our Response:
If the mother is the primary carer of the child, then negotiations between the parents should be the first option. If the mother wishes to remain the primary carer and take the child home to Thailand she will have to request permission from the father. If the father refuses and the matter is passed to the courts, then it is likely the mother will remain the primary carer, as continuity and stability are always deemed to be most important. However, it is difficult to determine what a court may decide as it will always decide upon what it thinks is in the child's best interests.
DivorceResource - 7-Jul-17 @ 12:09 PM
A question on behalf of my wife's friend, who is Thai..... She is married to an English man, living here on a visa which expires in a year; in order to stay longer she will need a settlement visa. The husband wants a divorce, so this visa will clearly not happen, meaning she will return to Thailand. There is a young child, born in Thailand and with dual citizenship. The husband and his wider family want custody. The wife has no job, since she spends her time looking after the child. In the event of divorce, and given the visa/citizenship situation, what may be the implications for custody?
Suhari - 6-Jul-17 @ 9:23 PM
Jen - Your Question:
I Have been married to my husband for 11 years but I don't love him and I want to leave him. We have two children together both aged under 10 and that has kept me going all these years. I am so unhappy though. I am more like his PA than his wife. He suffers with depression and has anger issues but is never violent. I want to leave him, take the children and move closer to my family. They live two hours away. Can my husband stop me from taking the kids? Can he stop me moving so far away?

Our Response:
It is highly unlikely your husband would have grounds to stop you moving two hours away, especially if you do not deny him access to his children. However, you would have to request permission to move and if he will not agree, you could apply to take the matter to mediation, or as a last resort court. Some parents plan to move and hope their ex will not take the matter further, but in cases such as this there is always a risk of a court frowning upon your actions and in extreme cases ruling that you return to the area you have left. It is always easier to try to resolve issues amicably, if you can
DivorceResource - 3-Jul-17 @ 12:06 PM
I Have been married to my husband for 11 years but I don't love him and I want to leave him. We have two children together both aged under 10 and that has kept me going all these years. I am so unhappy though. I am more like his PA than his wife. He suffers with depression and has anger issues but is never violent. I want to leave him, take the children and move closer to my family. They live two hours away. Can my husband stop me from taking the kids? Can he stop me moving so far away?
Jen - 2-Jul-17 @ 8:23 PM
KennyL - Your Question:
My partner and I have been together 5yrs but we aren't married. We have a 2yr old son together and she had a 10yr old girl from her previous relationship (who I don't have PR for). We have recently separated and I have moved in with parents and I took him with me. We are trying to make arrangements for him to see her but it's getting tetchy and I'm thinking court is going to be the only way of resolving things. Since the day he was born I have been the main carer for our boy. I can count on 1 hand the number of times she has bathed him, put him to bed, brushed his teeth, changed his nappies etc. Not only that but I have been the main carer of our 10yr old girl. I have taken and collected her from school for the past 4yrs even joining the school board of governors, I have taken her everywhere she needs to go, made her tea, ensured she's bathed etc. I have txt messages from her stating I am the children's primary carer. She even used to transfer money to me under the reference 'housewife fee' as a tongue in cheek joke. I want to apply for residency where I am primary carer and he sees his mum a couple of times per week. She's not a bad mother just would rather do other things than spend time playing with him for example and I genuinely feel he would be best off living with me. He has spent a night or two every week with my parents (where I've moved back to) since he was young so he's completely comfortable here. In addition my ex also works a lot which limits the times she can dedicate to him. What is the likelihood of me being assigned the primary carer by a court as the statistics seem to favour the mother for whatever reason? And also what rights do I have for access to our 10yr old who I care for but have no PR for?Any advice would be really appreciated as I can't help but doubt the system which seems heavily weighted for the mother despite my situation.Thanks

Our Response:
The fact you have your child currently living with you, essentially means you are currently the primary carer of your son. If you have previously been the primary carer of your child, then there is no reason why the court will not allow this arrangement to continue (if the matter reaches court). The court only seems weighted to mothers because as a rule mothers are usually the primary carer. There is no discrimination against fathers as primary carers. A court will usually opt for continuity which is what is considers to be in the best interests of your child. With regards to your arrangement; if you cannot decide between you and your ex, then mediation should be considered before any application to court. This also goes for any arrangements over contact with your stepdaughter. If your ex disagrees with you having access, then you can apply to court. It is not unusual for the courts to give step-parents access where they have spent a good deal of time with their stepchild and there are siblings involved.
DivorceResource - 30-Jun-17 @ 2:39 PM
My partner and I have been together 5yrs but we aren't married. We have a 2yr old son together and she had a 10yr old girl from her previous relationship (who I don't have PR for). We have recently separated and I have moved in with parents and I took him with me. We are trying to make arrangements for him to see her but it's getting tetchy and I'm thinking court is going to be the only way of resolving things. Since the day he was born I have been the main carer for our boy. I can count on 1 hand the number of times she has bathed him, put him to bed, brushed his teeth, changed his nappies etc. Not only that but I have been the main carer of our 10yr old girl. I have taken and collected her from school for the past 4yrs even joining the school board of governors, I have taken her everywhere she needs to go, made her tea, ensured she's bathed etc. I have txt messages from her stating I am the children's primary carer. She even used to transfer money to me under the reference 'housewife fee' as a tongue in cheek joke. I want to apply for residency where I am primary carer and he sees his mum a couple of times per week. She's not a bad mother just would rather do other things than spend time playing with him for example and I genuinely feel he would be best off living with me. He has spent a night or two every week with my parents (where I've moved back to) since he was young so he's completely comfortable here. In addition my ex also works a lot which limits the times she can dedicate to him. What is the likelihood of me being assigned the primary carer by a court as the statistics seem to favour the mother for whatever reason? And also what rights do I have for access to our 10yr old who I care for but have no PR for? Any advice would be really appreciated as I can't help but doubt the system which seems heavily weighted for the mother despite my situation. Thanks
KennyL - 30-Jun-17 @ 2:31 AM
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