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Who Gets Custody?

By: James Bloom - Updated: 12 May 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Marriage Relationship Divorce Breaking

Deciding on residency arrangements (previously known as custody) for your children after you break up can be a complicated issue. If you and your partner cannot agree together on where they will live, a court can be asked to decide. Depending on your individual circumstances, this can be a painful process. The courts will only make a residency order if all other options have been exhausted.

Parental Responsibility

When a married couple separate, both mother and father have parental responsibility. If they are unmarried, only the mother has automatic rights in respect of the child, so if they break up, she has the sole right to look after her child in a manner and place as she sees fit.

Since 2002, an unmarried father can also acquire parental responsibility if he jointly registers the child’s birth with the mother. He can also get parental responsibility if both partners sign a Parental Responsibility Agreement. This can be done at any time during the relationship or separation and can also be ordered by a court during or after the separation process.

Whether or not the father has parental responsibility, he is still responsible for the financial support of his children. He can be contacted by the Child Support Agency for this money.

Deciding Residency

One of the forms usually presented at court along with a divorce petition is a Statement of Arrangements, which proposes where and with whom the children will live, schools they will attend, who looks after them and how often they see the other parent.

The divorce petitioner should, as a matter of good practise, present the statement to the other parent for agreement before it is submitted. Courts encourage the parents to reach an agreement without them having to get involved. If you are having trouble reaching an agreement, it may be worth seeing a mediator before you divorce.

Mediators can be very helpful resolving sensitive issues like where your children will live. They provide an organised and constructive environment in which you can look at all the possible options and concerns and decide which is the most beneficial for your children and you. They have a good track record in helping children maintain family relationships. Mediation can be free depending on your circumstances.

At the start of divorce proceedings, the court will set up a conciliation appointment. If this does not result in agreement, the court will get both you and your partner to talk to a CAFCASS officer, from the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Services. If an agreement still cannot be reached, the officer you see will take statements and make a recommendation to the court.

It is important to co-operate with the CAFCASS officer as their opinion is very influential to the court’s decision.

How the Courts Decide

In the 1989 Children’s Act, it states that when the court makes any decision about a child, the child’s welfare must be the court’s ‘paramount consideration’. There is a list of key factors they take into account when making their decision:
  • Your child’s wishes and feelings. These will be given more consideration the older the child is.
  • Your child’s physical, emotional and educational needs. This covers both love & affection and food & housing.
  • The likely effect of a change of circumstances on your child. Their greatest concern here will be causing minimum disturbance to the child.
  • Your child’s age, sex and background. This could include cultural, religious or disability needs.
  • If your child has suffered harm or is at risk of suffering harm. Recently, this also includes any domestic abuse the child has seen or heard.
  • The parents’ capabilities with regard to the child’s needs. This can include assessing whether the non-resident parent is capable of caring for the child. Or whether either parent is impaired by drink or drugs.
  • The range of powers available to the court. There are a range of orders a court can make. Sometimes they decide no order is necessary.
More than half of all cases where residency is ordered by a court result in the mother being awarded sole residency. Around one-fifth result in sole residency being awarded to the father (a significant increase from the 1990s). Joint residency is also awarded in approximately one-fifth of divorces.

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My wife and I are separating and have two girls 11 and 12. Is it possible for each parent to be a prime carer for one child each?This has ramifications for housing for myself as I am currently serving in the Army.
mark76 - 22-Apr-17 @ 9:11 AM
My wife is divorcing me. We have 2 children, 11m and 4.5 yr, both girls. My 'wife' has been the primary carer for the last 1.5 yrs as she was signed off from work with stress and maternity leave. Before that I was the primary carer. She was working towards going back to work full time and for me to go back to part time as her earning potential is significantly greater than mine. Since the break up I've had the children vastly more than her. What are the chances that I will get the children and potentially the house to house our children? Many thanks
Ben - 16-Apr-17 @ 6:56 AM
H - Your Question:
Hi my ex n I seperated 3 1/2 years ago n we are now going through a bitter divorce.cut a long story short I was forced out of my family home, at first my 8 children stopped there for the first nine months but I went up every day to look after them while he was at work, after that due to my ex not coping we agreed on a week about shared residency for the younger 5, the other 3 wanted to stay at their home. The children always started their day from their dads even when they were with me. Six months passed n he still wasn't coping with week about so we decided it best that the 5 youngest resided with me permenantly but would stop at their fathers every other weekend. This worked fine until he decided he wanted me away from the house n wanted to start divorce proceedings. I have always said he can have the children stay over whenever he wanted holidays, every weekend etc but due to him not coping I wanted them to reside with me. He is now wanting to revert back to week about shared residency. He is working full time and I have been a full time mum for over 20 years. For the last year my ex has not supported my children financially. The children are 13,11,9,7 & 5 years old now, the oldest does not want this to happen n is very upset n everything going atm is affecting all of us. We have tried mediation n got nowhere I am not entitle to legal aid as I am still a partner in both family businesses so I am reluctant to get myself into further debt with solicitors.desperate for advise on wether he could get this residency order.

Our Response:
If you have attempted mediation and this has not worked, your only option would be to take the matter to court. If you cannot afford the legal fees, you have the option to self litigate. Many parents, have had no choice other than to become litigants in person after the withdrawal of public funding for the majority of family law applications. Litigants in person MUST be treated equally before the law and have equal access to justice. Judges have a duty to ensure a fair trial by giving them due assistance to achieve this. But that duty does not extend to giving legal advice. Nor can a judge be seen to favour one party over another, even if that party is a litigant in person. However, many parents have been successful in representing themselves in court, especially if they prepare their cases well and are acting solely upon what they feel is in the best interests of their children. You may also be able to get some free legal advice from the Citizens Advice Bureau and through a McKenzie Friend (some who do not charge). A McKenzie Friend is someone who accompanies a litigant in court to provide moral support. They may also take notes, help the litigant find the correct papers and give advice on questions to ask witnesses etc. Some have legal family law experience, but a McKenzie Friend can just be a friend who helps with supportive advice. You can apply for a child arrangement order via the link here and if you are on a low income you may get a reduction in court costs. I hope this helps.
DivorceResource - 5-Apr-17 @ 2:40 PM
Hi my ex n I seperated 3 1/2 years ago n we are now going through a bitter divorce..cut a long story short I was forced out of my family home, at first my 8 children stopped there for the first nine months but I went up every day to look after them while he was at work, after that due to my ex not coping we agreed on a week about shared residency for the younger 5, the other 3 wanted to stay at their home. The children always started their day from their dads even when they were with me. Six months passed n he still wasn't coping with week about so we decided it best that the 5 youngest resided with me permenantly but would stop at their fathers every other weekend. This worked fine until he decided he wanted me away from the house n wanted to start divorce proceedings. I have always said he can have the children stay over whenever he wanted holidays, every weekend etc but due to him not coping I wanted them to reside with me. He is now wanting to revert back to week about shared residency. He is working full time and I have been a full time mum for over 20 years. For the last year my ex has not supported my children financially. The children are 13,11,9,7 & 5 years old now, the oldest does not want this to happen n is very upset n everything going atm is affecting all of us. We have tried mediation n got nowhere I am not entitle to legal aid as I am still a partner in both family businesses so I am reluctant to get myself into further debt with solicitors..desperate for advise on wether he could get this residency order.
H - 5-Apr-17 @ 2:03 PM
I separated from my husband last January. We have two children together. I have been their primary carer since he left and he has them overnight on a Wednesday and a Saturday. We have been through mediation, but he has changed his proposals and agreements made everytime and he is now taking me to court.I am from n Ireland and we currently live in England.He agreed the whole time that I could move back there with my sons and has now changed his mind saying he wants the children half a week every week.He has also expressed the main reason for this is to benefit financially.I.e he will not have to pay maintenance and will apply for half their benefits.He has a girlfriend whom he lives with and they both work full time. I work part-time since we had our children,so I could be at home the majority of the time to look after them.He will actually be at work two out of the three days he says he wants them and I feel this will affect their school/ nursery routines. He has also threatened to apply for more, I feel constantly taunted by him and have no idea what he's going to do next.I want him to have a relationship with his children and vice versa and have no interest in trying to stop that but am terrified he's going to try to take them off me.Is there anyway he can on the grounds he has a family etc here and I only have my children?
Ange - 31-Mar-17 @ 1:22 PM
Jen - Your Question:
I'm in a very bad marriage with a very controlling man, I've got a 2 and 4 year old and been a stay home mum for 4 years. My husband neglected both as babies only showed care and attention when they turned 18 months. He doesn't agree in working mums so I never went back to work and he pays me money like an employee into my bank each month to survive off. It's also not cost effective in me working as was only on a minimum wage childcare so expensive. I need out of the marriage and want my two children with me but he is threatening me with half custody. He hasn't found fatherhood easy admitted to many friends that. Isn't the most attentive father has to get his mum down to help if I leave him the kids for a day (which is in a blue moon). I would fear for their safety being with him. Being their main carer for 4 years they are my life and frightened to leave the marriage if he could win half custody. It would break me loosing my children half a week or even every weekend. He works long hours during h the week said he would get his mum down to look after them on his days but I be fuming knowing I'm about to help yet they being looked after by her. She has a health issue too takes tablets to stop fits. I could live with him taking them for a day or two every two weeks but no more. I have no money, I am stuck in a very bad marriage hanging on only because of the kids as I can't loose them. Would he seriously win half custody, surely that disrupts a child's routine.

Our Response:
We cannot speculate whether your ex would be granted shared care of your children. As a rule, and as highlighted in the article, both mother and father have parental responsibility giving them equal parenting rights to their children. However, much of the time the primary carer (in this case yourself) usually takes sole care of the children, with the non-resident parent (husband) access, as negotiated between the couple. A mutual agreement is always the best resolution between parents. However, this is not always the case and if parents do not agree then mediation should be the first option. If mediation is refused, or breaks down, then the NRP has the option to take the matter to court and a court will decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your children. The courts will attempt to split access fairly where it can.
DivorceResource - 29-Mar-17 @ 12:25 PM
I'm in a very bad marriage with a very controlling man, I've got a 2 and 4 year old and been a stay home mum for 4 years. My husband neglected both as babies only showed care and attention when they turned 18 months. He doesn't agree in working mums so I never went back to work and he pays me money like an employee into my bank each month to survive off. It's also not cost effective in me working as was only on a minimum wage childcare so expensive. I need out of the marriage and want my two children with me but he is threatening me with half custody. He hasn't found fatherhood easy admitted to many friends that. Isn't the most attentive father has to get his mum down to help if I leave him the kids for a day (which is in a blue moon). I would fear for their safety being with him. Being their main carer for 4 years they are my life and frightened to leave the marriage if he could win half custody. It would break me loosing my children half a week or even every weekend. He works long hours during h the week said he would get his mum down to look after them on his days but I be fuming knowing I'm about to help yet they being looked after by her.She has a health issue too takes tablets to stop fits.I could live with him taking them for a day or two every two weeks but no more. I have no money, I am stuck in a very bad marriage hanging on only because of the kids as I can't loose them. Would he seriously win half custody, surely that disrupts a child's routine.
Jen - 28-Mar-17 @ 7:34 PM
Elizabeth- Your Question:
I have recently separated from my partner of 8 years and have 2 children together under the age of 6. I have suffered with postnatal depression and last year attempted (which was really a big cry for help) the doctors changed my medication and I have been absolutely fine ever since. My partner is now saying he is getting a top lawer and wants to get custody of the children majority of the time. I have not worked as I am primary career of the children and look after the home. Would he be able to take the children from me? Especially if he does have this 'top' lawer?

Our Response:
Post-natal depression is not a punishable offence. If you care for your children and have no childcare issues, then it is highly unlikely a court would remove your children from you. The courts will only do this in extreme circumstances - where you cannot possibly look after your kids. A court will always make a decision based upon what it thinks is in the best interests of your children and consistency and stability are considered most important.
DivorceResource - 16-Mar-17 @ 12:46 PM
I have recently separated from my partner of 8 years and have 2 children together under the age of 6. I have suffered with postnatal depression and last year attempted (which was really a big cry for help) the doctors changed my medication and I have been absolutely fine ever since. My partner is now saying he is getting a top lawer and wants to get custody of the children majority of the time. I have not worked as I am primary career of the children and look after the home. Would he be able to take the children from me? Especially if he does have this 'top' lawer?
Elizabeth - 15-Mar-17 @ 11:09 PM
Vkyno - Your Question:
My ex partner and I have been separated for nearly 5 years, we have two boys together. He originally did not see the children through no effort on his part*, he has swapped and changed arrangements so many times over the past few years, fitting in with college courses, different hours, different jobs, unemployment etc. He only sees the children together once a fortnight for two nights. He takes our eldest on each Wednesday night (he has ADHD so this is in place to give our other son some quiet time). He is now proposing to change arrangements yet again to fit in with a new job which he has taken without discussing the impact it is going to have on the arrangements with the children. He could be working away for months at a time. My query is whether I have any rights to take him to court to stop him from taking this job as he is not going to see his children.

Our Response:
I'm afraid no court would stop a person accepting a job. Neither would a court force a non-resident parent to see their children.
DivorceResource - 13-Mar-17 @ 2:30 PM
* I have never withdrawn contact and have always encouraged him to have regular contact.
Vkyno - 12-Mar-17 @ 10:56 PM
My ex partner and I have been separated for nearly 5 years, we have two boys together. He originally did not see the children through no effort on his part*, he has swapped and changed arrangements so many times over the past few years, fitting in with college courses, different hours, different jobs, unemployment etc. He only sees the children together once a fortnight for two nights. He takes our eldest on each Wednesday night (he has ADHD so this is in place to give our other son some quiet time). He is now proposing to change arrangements yet again to fit in with a new job which he has taken without discussing the impact it is going to have on the arrangements with the children. He could be working away for months at a time. My query is whether I have any rights to take him to court to stop him from taking this job as he is not going to see his children.
Vkyno - 12-Mar-17 @ 10:55 PM
Karo - Your Question:
I have recently separated from my ex partner because our relationship was not healthy and it was affecting our two kids. My daughter is from a previous relationship but he is the only father she has ever known (although he has no legal right to her), and my son is our child. I am not interested in slandering him or trying to stop him from seeing our children and have been maintaining the agreement made by us both with regards to seeing them on a regular basis. My question is this: he has threatened numerous times over the past month to take me to court for custody of them, he lives in Scotland and I live in Northern Ireland. I am on benefits now as a result of the separation and he has full time work but I have been the primary carer of both our children since day one. Is it likely that a court will award him custody of our children or even just of my son so they would be living in Scotland with him? Thank you

Our Response:
It is highly unlikely a court would remove your children from you, unless the circumstances were exceptional such as a case of neglect, child abuse etc. A court will always decide what is in the best interests of the children and taking them from a secure environment and moving them to another part of the British Isles to a non-resident parent would not be a consideration.
DivorceResource - 1-Mar-17 @ 3:06 PM
I have recently separated from my ex partner because our relationship was not healthy and it was affecting our two kids. My daughter is from a previous relationship but he is the only father she has ever known (although he has no legal right to her), and my son is our child. I am not interested in slandering him or trying to stop him from seeing our children and have been maintaining the agreement made by us both with regards to seeing them on a regular basis. My question is this: he has threatened numerous times over the past month to take me to court for custody of them, he lives in Scotland and I live in Northern Ireland. I am on benefits now as a result of the separation and he has full time work but I have been the primary carer of both our children since day one. Is it likely that a court will award him custody of our children or even just of my son so they would be living in Scotland with him? Thank you
Karo - 1-Mar-17 @ 11:29 AM
worriedmum - Your Question:
I have been with my husband for 8 years (married 2 years) I had a one night stand last november. I admitted to him of my cheating. now he is telling me I automatically have lost my right to our 3 children. and he will be sole parent. He works full time, I have been a stay at home mum for our 3 children. I home educated them for 3 years. I am the only one who has ever bathed ,clothed, fed, done every night wake up, read them stories took them on outings and done everything else for them. He does nothing much for them. can he do this to me? I'm terrified of loosing my children. I was unhappy and felt like his personal maid for the last 2 years and I made a very huge mistake. Once. when he files for divorce will he take my babies too?

Our Response:
No, a court will not punish a person for an infidelity. If you are the primary carer of your chidlren, then you have every right to continue in this role if you separate from your husband. It is highly likely a court would award the primary carer responsibility to the person who has cared from them on a day-to-day basis since birth. You may like to seek some legal advice regarding this matter.
DivorceResource - 24-Feb-17 @ 1:55 PM
i have been with my husband for 8 years (married 2 years) I had a one night stand last november. I admitted to him of my cheating. now he is telling me I automatically have lost my right to our 3 children. and he will be sole parent. He works full time, I have been a stay at home mum for our 3 children. I home educated them for 3 years. I am the only one who has ever bathed ,clothed, fed, done every night wake up, read them stories took them on outings and done everything else for them. He does nothing much for them. can he do this to me? I'm terrified of loosing my children. I was unhappy and felt like his personal maid for the last 2 years and I made a very huge mistake. Once. when he files for divorce will he take my babies too?
worriedmum - 24-Feb-17 @ 1:04 AM
Jamie- Your Question:
My partner has advanced Parkinsons at 46. We have a four year old daughter. The Parkinsons came on quickly over the past two years after our daughter was born and I have pretty much had to give up work to look after her. My partner cannot live by herself as she cannot wash, use the toilet etc by herself. My partner is a bankrupt(she told me after she got pregnant) and I have my own house etcI basically want to leave as amicably as possible for our daughters sake but think my daughter would be better with me.

Our Response:
You would really have to speak to your partner directly regarding this matter. If you can come to an amicable agreement over what is in the best interests of your chld, then this will save a lot of heartache and a court procedure that I am sure your partner will wish to avoid (if you both cannot agree). If your partner cannot care for herself, then it stands to reason if you are more able bodied then you will take on the majority of the day-to-day care for your child (hopefully by mutual agreement). Mediation may also be an option if your ex is ill and extra agreements/arrangements may be needed to be put into place.
DivorceResource - 21-Feb-17 @ 11:10 AM
My partner has advanced Parkinsons at 46. We have a four year old daughter. The Parkinsons came on quickly over the past two years after our daughter was born and I have pretty much had to give up work to look after her. My partner cannot live by herself as she cannot wash, use the toilet etc by herself. My partner is a bankrupt(she told me after she got pregnant) and I have my own house etc I basically want to leave as amicably as possible for our daughters sake but think my daughter would be better with me.
Jamie - 20-Feb-17 @ 8:50 AM
Hi, me and my ex were married for a year before he dumped me and kicked myself and our little girl out of our flat. He has made no effort to see our child in the year we have been separated. The 3 times he has seen her, I've had to take her to him. The last time she saw him, when I collected her she was extremely distressed, I have never seen her so distressed, she is only 2 now so cannot communicate what happened etc. He hasn't spoken to me in 5 months, we communicate through his dad on odd occasions and shows no interest in our child, he doesn't pay for her. We are currently going through a divorce which I am paying for with no help from him. Do I have full custody? would I need to take him to court for full custody? Thanks
CJ - 19-Feb-17 @ 1:44 PM
Lew - Your Question:
My partner cheated on me and left our home, we were not married but had been together for 8 years, she now lives about 20 miles away. I live with my daughter and have looked after her for the past 8 months, we live in the same house and she goes to the same school etc my partner spends about 4 hours a week with her if at all but she keeps threatening to take her away, she lives in a shared house with other girls and works a lot of unsociable hours. Where do I stand? Could she just take her? And how do I go about applying for custody as there is no official divorce or child order.

Our Response:
The thought of your ex partner taking your children is the worst nightmare of many parents. In cases such as yours, if both parents have Parental Responsibility and one parent decides to keep your child against the other's wishes, the police cannot help to return your daughter to you and you would have to apply to court. Essentially, because your ex has moved out of the property and left you with your daughter, then you are considered the primary carer which will go in your favour, should the matter have to go to court. However, you really don't want it to get to a situation where your ex decides to keep your daughter, as applying to court to have your child can be a long and protracted procedure. Therefore, you have the option to either decide through mediation who is to become the primary carer or apply to court for a Child Arrangement Order to determine where your child should live, please see link here . You could also draw up an agreement with your ex through a solicitor (or via mediation), but this needs to be carried out through consensual agreement with her and as a warning to you, it holds no official weight. If the matter goes to court - then the court order is final. However, many parents agree between them who should become the primary carer and who is the non-resident parent and keep to this without issue. In your case, you may wish to seek legal advice in order to explore your options fully. Court is always seen as a last resort and it is not a decision to take lightly as it can add to an already stressful situation. This is not written to worry you, as most informal parental arrangements naturally stay in place and if your ex is not in a position to care for your child, then it is unlikely she will carry out her threats. It is just to draw your attention to all the variants so you can make an informed decision based on these.
DivorceResource - 15-Feb-17 @ 12:16 PM
My partner cheated on me and left our home, we were not married but had been together for 8 years, she now lives about 20 miles away. I live with my daughter and have looked after her for the past 8 months, we live in the same house and she goes to the same school etc my partner spends about 4 hours a week with her if at all but she keeps threatening to take her away, she lives in a shared house with other girls and works a lot of unsociable hours. Where do I stand? Could she just take her? And how do I go about applying for custody as there is no official divorce or child order.
Lew - 14-Feb-17 @ 3:10 PM
AG - Your Question:
My brother is going through a divorce at the moment after his wife cheated on him, he has three girls and at the moment they are living with the mother and he has them when he is off work 2 nights a week. She is planning to move the children over 150 miles away to be closer to her nan and my brother is unsure what he can do to stop his children moving that far away ?

Our Response:
If your brother thinks his ex may move away without his consent (she needs his consent if he has Parental Responsibility), then he can apply through court for a Prohibited Steps Order. A PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips/moves with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. There is nothing to say whether your brother will be granted the order. The court will attempt to ascertain how the move will affect the children. Much will also depend upon the amount of input your brother has in the day-to-day lives of his daughters and whether the move will have a negative effect on their established relationships including; school, family, etc. However, it will also weigh up his ex's reasons for moving and if it is because it is closer to family/new job etc, then this will also be taken into consideration. Therefore, I can only suggest your brother seeks legal advice in order to explore his options.
DivorceResource - 30-Jan-17 @ 1:50 PM
My brother is going through a divorce at the moment after his wife cheated on him, he has three girls and at the moment they are living with the mother and he has them when he is off work 2 nights a week. She is planning to move the children over 150 miles away to be closer to her nan and my brother is unsure what he can do to stop his children moving that far away ?
AG - 30-Jan-17 @ 12:05 PM
Ness - Your Question:
HiI have been married for 10 years but have never been happy in the marriage. I have 2 children and im considering getting a divorce. My husband usually illtreats me and we have no connection as a family.Although I have been working all these years,I have been responsible for looking after the kids. I have taken a step back career wise as well so that I can look after the kids well. But im afraid what will happen regarding children's custody upon our divorce. Will I be in a weaker position being a working mom?

Our Response:
If you want a separation, then in an ideal world you would agree between you who would become the primary carer and who would have access. As a general rule the mother is usually the primary carer and the father the non-resident parent as the mother is the parent who still usually cares for the day-to-day needs of the children. If you cannot agree between you and the matter went to court, then the court will always decide what is in the best interests of the children and usually that is to continue the arrangements made previously, in order to avoid as least disruption as possible.
DivorceResource - 16-Jan-17 @ 11:29 AM
Hi I have been married for 10 years but have never been happy in the marriage. I have 2 children and im considering getting a divorce. My husband usually illtreats me and we have no connection as a family. Although I have been working all these years,I have been responsible for looking after the kids. I have taken a step back career wise as well so that i can look after the kids well. But im afraid what will happen regarding children's custody upon our divorce. Will i be in a weaker position being a working mom?
Ness - 15-Jan-17 @ 10:59 AM
Jojo - Your Question:
I want to divorce my husband. He has recently become aggressively, pulling me off my daughters bed whilst I was holding her one time, then recently following me up to the bathroom where I was bathing my daughter and throwing me to the ground. Both incidents witnessed by our daughter. I work full time, but my finances are a bit shot at the moment. I've been my daughters main carer since she was born but I'm worried that my bad finances and credit history and one default will affect if I get custody of her. I kept my bad credit from my husband. I'd give up everything to make sure I get her. How do I stay the primary carer?and will my finances affect this?

Our Response:
If you have no money and your husband is using violence or threats, you may be able to get a place in a refuge with your child, please see link here. I cannot speak for your finances - but if you have been your child's main carer since birth, it is likely you will remain your child's main carer. You may wish to speak with Women's Aid directly for more advice regarding your situation.
DivorceResource - 28-Nov-16 @ 2:20 PM
I want to divorce my husband. He has recently become aggressively, pulling me off my daughters bed whilst I was holding her one time, then recently following me up to the bathroom where I was bathing my daughter and throwing me to the ground.Both incidents witnessed by our daughter.I work full time, but my finances are a bit shot at the moment.I've been my daughters main carer since she was born but I'm worried that my bad finances and credit history and one default will affect if I get custody of her. I kept my bad credit from my husband. I'd give up everything to make sure I get her. How do I stay the primary carer?and will my finances affect this?
Jojo - 28-Nov-16 @ 8:15 AM
My husband is trying to take my son who has special needs from me. I have been his main carer for 13 years & always taken him to school etc. My husband who is a controller told me to leave the family home & get my own house. Both him & his family are putting things into my sons head to turn him against me. I have been a victim of coercive control for my married life & he has also physically hurt me. How can he gain custody of my son
Shadow04 - 25-Oct-16 @ 11:20 AM
Hi, I'm not married but need some sort of help. I have a son who stays with his mother, i take my son every weekend sometimes Thursday to Monday or Tuesday, but ever weekend. I do work and love my son so much. I have him in nursery football club, myself I am not into football but he likes it. My ex is an ex alcoholic or still is I'm not 100% but sounds like it when she is on the phone, telling me my son hits her will not do as he is told, wetting the bed, and standing wetting himself, telling me to give him into trouble. This has gone on for sometime but has been constant now for 2 weeks with the phone call. My son of 3 years old, does have some accidents wetting the bed or himself to be honest bed wetting I think I have nailed that, I take my son before I go to bed and I have had 100% wet bed free for 2 month lol. The problem I have is that my ex will say my son is not well, before I pick my son up. I say ok will I just leave it this weekend. Because when kids are not well they want mum I understand that children need both parents but mostly they want mum. This is what I get. How can you not look after him he is your son. She never take my son for a weekend unless I have had to work away even then she asked me to take him to my mothers, I said no. My son is happy with me I'm not just saying that. When I take my son home it's like the happiest goes away from him every time we get to the motorway to his mum house. As for hitting his mum she is phoning me and says he is hitting me now at 20:30 tonight. My son goes to bed 19:30 in my house my son doesn't hit me or answer me back. I do get strops when he wants something he is not getting if he is bad I put him in time out sometimes he will not get out all day. I have said to my ex I will take my son for 4 weeks to see if this can help,as much as I would love to keep my son full time, and maybe this is what my son wants. I want to do something about this mess, my son is hurting and all I'm doing is trying not to hurt his mum by doing something and that I will probably not get to see my son every weekend for some time if I do something. Sorry for going on but I really don't have anyone to talk to about this. As for not sure if she drinks my son can name the bottles if seeing them out side and says my mummy has that he has told me he was up late drinking black currant with mum my bottle was green I need help thanks for taking the time to read this Thanks Big P
Big P - 3-Oct-16 @ 11:01 PM
Hi, I'm not married but need some sort of help. I have a son who stays with his mother, i take my son every weekend sometimes Thursday to Monday or Tuesday, but ever weekend. I do work and love my son so much. I have him in nursery football club, myself I am not into football but he likes it. My ex is an ex alcoholic or still is I'm not 100% but sounds like it when she is on the phone, telling me my son hits her will not do as he is told, wetting the bed, and standing wetting himself, telling me to give him into trouble. This has gone on for sometime but has been constant now for 2 weeks with the phone call. My son of 3 years old, does have some accidents wetting the bed or himself to be honest bed wetting I think I have nailed that, I take my son before I go to bed and I have had 100% wet bed free for 2 month lol. The problem I have is that my ex will say my son is not well, before I pick my son up. I say ok will I just leave it this weekend. Because when kids are not well they want mum I understand that children need both parents but mostly they want mum. This is what I get. How can you not look after him he is your son. She never take my son for a weekend unless I have had to work away even then she asked me to take him to my mothers, I said no. My son is happy with me I'm not just saying that. When I take my son home it's like the happiest goes away from him every time we get to the motorway to his mum house. As for hitting his mum she is phoning me and says he is hitting me now at 20:30 tonight. My son goes to bed 19:30 in my house my son doesn't hit me or answer me back. I do get strops when he wants something he is not getting if he is bad I put him in time out sometimes he will not get out all day. I have said to my ex I will take my son for 4 weeks to see if this can help,as much as I would love to keep my son full time, and maybe this is what my son wants. I want to do something about this mess, my son is hurting and all I'm doing is trying not to hurt his mum by doing something and that I will probably not get to see my son every weekend for some time if I do something. Sorry for going on but I really don't have anyone to talk to about this. As for not sure if she drinks my son can name the bottles if seeing them out side and says my mummy has that he has told me he was up late drinking black currant with mum my bottle was green I need help thanks for taking the time to read this Thanks Big P
Big P - 3-Oct-16 @ 10:51 PM
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