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Who Gets Custody?

By: James Bloom - Updated: 14 Oct 2018 | comments*Discuss
 
Marriage Relationship Divorce Breaking

Deciding on residency arrangements (previously known as custody) for your children after you break up can be a complicated issue. If you and your partner cannot agree together on where they will live, a court can be asked to decide. Depending on your individual circumstances, this can be a painful process. The courts will only make a residency order if all other options have been exhausted.

Parental Responsibility

When a married couple separate, both mother and father have parental responsibility. If they are unmarried, only the mother has automatic rights in respect of the child, so if they break up, she has the sole right to look after her child in a manner and place as she sees fit.

Since 2002, an unmarried father can also acquire parental responsibility if he jointly registers the child’s birth with the mother. He can also get parental responsibility if both partners sign a Parental Responsibility Agreement. This can be done at any time during the relationship or separation and can also be ordered by a court during or after the separation process.

Whether or not the father has parental responsibility, he is still responsible for the financial support of his children. He can be contacted by the Child Support Agency for this money.

Deciding Residency

One of the forms usually presented at court along with a divorce petition is a Statement of Arrangements, which proposes where and with whom the children will live, schools they will attend, who looks after them and how often they see the other parent.

The divorce petitioner should, as a matter of good practise, present the statement to the other parent for agreement before it is submitted. Courts encourage the parents to reach an agreement without them having to get involved. If you are having trouble reaching an agreement, it may be worth seeing a mediator before you divorce.

Mediators can be very helpful resolving sensitive issues like where your children will live. They provide an organised and constructive environment in which you can look at all the possible options and concerns and decide which is the most beneficial for your children and you. They have a good track record in helping children maintain family relationships. Mediation can be free depending on your circumstances.

At the start of divorce proceedings, the court will set up a conciliation appointment. If this does not result in agreement, the court will get both you and your partner to talk to a CAFCASS officer, from the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Services. If an agreement still cannot be reached, the officer you see will take statements and make a recommendation to the court.

It is important to co-operate with the CAFCASS officer as their opinion is very influential to the court’s decision.

How the Courts Decide

In the 1989 Children’s Act, it states that when the court makes any decision about a child, the child’s welfare must be the court’s ‘paramount consideration’. There is a list of key factors they take into account when making their decision:
  • Your child’s wishes and feelings. These will be given more consideration the older the child is.
  • Your child’s physical, emotional and educational needs. This covers both love & affection and food & housing.
  • The likely effect of a change of circumstances on your child. Their greatest concern here will be causing minimum disturbance to the child.
  • Your child’s age, sex and background. This could include cultural, religious or disability needs.
  • If your child has suffered harm or is at risk of suffering harm. Recently, this also includes any domestic abuse the child has seen or heard.
  • The parents’ capabilities with regard to the child’s needs. This can include assessing whether the non-resident parent is capable of caring for the child. Or whether either parent is impaired by drink or drugs.
  • The range of powers available to the court. There are a range of orders a court can make. Sometimes they decide no order is necessary.
More than half of all cases where residency is ordered by a court result in the mother being awarded sole residency. Around one-fifth result in sole residency being awarded to the father (a significant increase from the 1990s). Joint residency is also awarded in approximately one-fifth of divorces.

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I have a wife with ms and our marriage has deteriorated over the last 12 months. We have a 15 year old daughter. My wife constantly complains about everything and everyone. This has resulted in an argument tonight. She has stormed out. I have had enough? I do 90 percent of everything in the house (cooking, cleaning, sorting daughter out) and my wife does nothing. I’m worried if we separate, I will lose everything.
Fedup1 - 14-Oct-18 @ 9:21 PM
Hi please could you advise . My sister has had a highly volatile relationship with a partner and they had a baby who is now 14months old . Following the break up it was agreed he could have baby two nights per week . After the first night he made excuses not to return the child saying he would keep her for another day . My sister trusted him and when he again didn’t return with the child the following day and would not return her calls she attended the police station and spoke to a solicitor . She found out that he had made a report with false claims to social services alleging she was abusive and had an alcohol problem , been to police himself and also to court and was granted a currently revived a prohibitive step order as well as a non molestation order . My sister is in shock and can only now see her daughter under supervised visits at times that he agrees until court initial hearing next week . She has a solicitor where she is now trying to disprove these false claims and is distraught . What should she expect in this instance and is it likely he would ever be granted full custody ? What does she need to do for court and what is the timeline ?
Unfair - 13-Oct-18 @ 6:38 PM
My ex has become extremely difficult in terms with arrangements with our son. Our son is 17 months old and still breastfed and I am the main carer for him. Up until he was 9 months old we were both living at home and then we moved in together only lasting 4 months. He returned our son 4 and a half hours late last week past 6 and is calling me unreasonable. All I asked for was to gradually increase the time as it is a big change for our son and that is what is best for him. As he is being really unreasonable I think we will have to take legal action but what would he get in court at this stage whilst our son is 17 months? And what costs would I need to pay?
Vicky - 1-Oct-18 @ 7:58 PM
Tlmom - Your Question:
The father of my baby (16 weeks old) has just decided to leave and wants to file for full residential parent. Our relationship has been quite toxic, we aren’t married but he is on the birth certificate. He has been emotionally abusive to me for 3 years and physically three times, I tried to get help and have reported it to the police once but he always manages to turn it round on me to make out I am lying. I have recorded phone conversations of abuse and emails stating if I don’t carry out certain acts or give him money he will take my baby away from me. I’m about to move to be closer to my family and get more support. He has said he wants to see our baby through a mediation centre until he has completed his PhD (baby will be around 4 or 5 years old) studies before taking me to court to get full access to our child so he can take him to live out of the country. He has barely spent any time with the baby, demanded I paid for a dna test to prove he was the father, has t helped me with him, doesn’t change him or feed him and as soon as he cry’s he can’t cope and gives him back to me. I’m so scared about losing my child and him taking him out of the country. Especially as he will barely know him as visits between now and him completing his studies will be sporadic due to how busy he will be. Is there anything I can do?

Our Response:
If you are the day-to-day resident parent of your child then the courts will not hand your child over to the other parent without good reason. Likewise, a non-resident parent is not allowed to take a child out of the country without the other parent's permission, please see the link here.
DivorceResource - 11-Sep-18 @ 10:40 AM
The father of my baby (16 weeks old) has just decided to leave and wants to file for full residential parent. Our relationship has been quite toxic, we aren’t married but he is on the birth certificate. He has been emotionally abusive to me for 3 years and physically three times, I tried to get help and have reported it to the police once but he always manages to turn it round on me to make out I am lying. I have recorded phone conversations of abuse and emails stating if I don’t carry out certain acts or give him money he will take my baby away from me. I’m about to move to be closer to my family and get more support. He has said he wants to see our baby through a mediation centre until he has completed his PhD (baby will be around 4 or 5 years old) studies before taking me to court to get full access to our child so he can take him to live out of the country.He has barely spent any time with the baby, demanded I paid for a dna test to prove he was the father, has t helped me with him, doesn’t change him or feed him and as soon as he cry’s he can’t cope and gives him back to me. I’m so scared about losing my child and him taking him out of the country. Especially as he will barely know him as visits between now and him completing his studies will be sporadic due to how busy he will be. Is there anything I can do?
Tlmom - 9-Sep-18 @ 7:05 PM
If the mother of the children is not a UK citizen and is reliant on the husband herself, financially, who gets custody of the kids in the case of a divorce?
Ab - 24-Aug-18 @ 12:51 PM
Bonnie - Your Question:
Hi,My ex has been a absolute nightmare since I became pregnant with my first child. He has made social services come into our lives over his lies and that was proven. We have two children now and we can't be together anymore. He has never been a father to either of them. He won't bond with my youngest. He along with friends of his have come up to me in the street demanding for a dna test on both children. More so my youngest. Now he is trying to gain access. He is violent and my children have seen his anger towards me. I refused mediation because of this and his solicitor agreed for me to say no. He is now saying he can get access if he takes me to court. Is this possible? He is a drug user, he likes to drink (more so recently), he doesn't work, he has never dealt with the children like a father should. I have too tell him what to do or do it myself. Withhold temper he doesn't know what he is doing when he goes into a rage. Because of this I've banned him from seeing us. The police told me to do exactly that. If it goes to court will he be allowed access or will he lose all rights? We were never married

Our Response:
If your ex takes the matter to court, if you refuse mediation then as in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. It is also likely Cafcass will get involved if you say your ex is a drug user and is potentially violent. Cafcass will interview both parents in the case, as well as the children, and any others who might be needed, which could mean social workers, medical professionals, or even relatives. From the interviews they conduct, the reporter will determine two things: whether there should be contact allowed, and, if so, how much. It’s a measure of how important the Cafcass recommendation is that the court will almost invariably adhere to it.
DivorceResource - 17-Aug-18 @ 12:11 PM
Hi, My ex has been a absolute nightmare since I became pregnant with my first child. He has made social services come into our lives over his lies and that was proven. We have two children now and we can't be together anymore. He has never been a father to either of them. He won't bond with my youngest. He along with friends of his have come up to me in the street demanding for a dna test on both children. More so my youngest. Now he is trying to gain access. He is violent and my children have seen his anger towards me. I refused mediation because of this and his solicitor agreed for me to say no. He is now saying he can get access if he takes me to court. Is this possible? He is a drug user, he likes to drink (more so recently), he doesn't work, he has never dealt with the children like a father should. I have too tell him what to do or do it myself. Withhold temper he doesn't know what he is doing when he goes into a rage. Because of this I've banned him from seeing us. The police told me to do exactly that. If it goes to court will he be allowed access or will he lose all rights? We were never married
Bonnie - 17-Aug-18 @ 10:26 AM
Cr - Your Question:
Hi. Me and my ex partner broke up just over a year ago and we have a 4 year old daughter together. We have been to mediation and got a rota set between us but she is always taking days and nights when our daughter is supposed to be with me and when I ask for a reason she her reply is ‘because I’m her mother’ what can I do?

Our Response:
If you have been through mediation and your ex is not keeping to the agreement, then you can either ask a solicitor to write a letter requesting your ex keeps to the agreement. If your ex refuses, your only option would be to take the matter to court, please see link here .
DivorceResource - 30-Jul-18 @ 2:36 PM
Hi. Me and my ex partner broke up just over a year ago and we have a 4 year old daughter together. We have been to mediation and got a rota set between us but she is always taking days and nights when our daughter is supposed to be with me and when I ask for a reason she her reply is ‘because I’m her mother’ what can I do?
Cr - 30-Jul-18 @ 9:31 AM
My wife has recently left me and is moving into another house. We have a 3 year old and she seems to be wanting to spend less time with him as it interferes with what she wants to do. I am having him at least 4 times a week days and over night but am still paying maintenance. Is this right as i am having him over 50% of the time? Also what are my chances of getting full custody. I already pay all child care and buy him anything he needs as well as paying to rent my own place. I would be happy to have him full time.
Diggy - 23-Jul-18 @ 9:33 PM
Mandy- Your Question:
Hi, Went to mediation and agreed to make child arrangements between us. He saw our daughter for a good 2 months with regular payment. Last 2 times he has messed about with payments (so the last time she didn't go wth him as he was being verbually abusive in front of our child) and messing around with the times he's collecting her. He now wants to go for joint custody. I am willing for him to have her every Tuesday overnight or for dinner and every Saturday but he's still wants to go for joint custody. What are the chances he would get it?Thanks

Our Response:
Much depends upon what input your ex has had in the child's life previously. If he was a hands-on dad who looked after his daughter equally, he will have a better chance of getting joint-residency, if the matter goes to court. However, before any court application can be made mediation has to be considered, please see link here .
DivorceResource - 23-Jul-18 @ 12:34 PM
Hi, Went to mediation and agreed to make child arrangements between us. He saw our daughter for a good 2 months with regular payment. Last 2 times he has messed about with payments (so the last time she didn't go wth him as he was being verbually abusive in front of our child) and messing around with the times he's collecting her. He now wants to go for joint custody. I am willing for him to have her every Tuesday overnight or for dinner and every Saturday but he's still wants to go for joint custody. What are the chances he would get it? Thanks
Mandy - 22-Jul-18 @ 1:59 PM
Bob - Your Question:
Please,Where father is awarded custody by court with no child support to either party.if that changes from Mother having just one weekend in two plus every Wednesday after school and overnight to, at her request, 50 50 share.does the father then have to start paying child support?

Our Response:
If the matter was decided in court, it would have to be referred back to court. Unless a year had passed, in which case CMS can take the case over and make a new assessment. You would need to speak to CMS directly to verify this.
DivorceResource - 6-Jul-18 @ 12:57 PM
Jj - Your Question:
Hi me and my partner have recently split up. (Relationship brake down) he is now saying that he is going to take me to court over our son he is 18months Iv not said he can’t see him just that I don’t want him having him alone until he’s older. reason being is he has never done anything with him. bathed/given him food/milk changed put him to bed all the things that make you a father. I’m just worried as I’m now living with my mum an waiting to get a permanent home will he stand a chance in court? I do everything possible for our son like any mother would if I could have a bit of advice would be great thank you

Our Response:
If you cannot agree between you or via mediation (which would be the next option to consider), then your ex would have the option to apply to court. Please see the link here which should help further answer your question.
DivorceResource - 6-Jul-18 @ 10:06 AM
Please, Where father is awarded custody by court with no child support to either party ...if that changes from Mother having just one weekend in two plus every Wednesday after school and overnight to, at her request, 50 50 share ...does the father then have to start paying child support?
Bob - 5-Jul-18 @ 11:04 AM
Hi me and my partner have recently split up. (Relationship brake down) he is now saying that he is going to take me to court over our son he is 18months Iv not said he can’t see him just that I don’t want him having him alone until he’s older.. reason being is he has never done anything with him.. bathed/given him food/milk changed put him to bed all the things that make you a father. I’m just worried as I’m now living with my mum an waiting to get a permanent home will he stand a chance in court? I do everything possible for our son like any mother would if I could have a bit of advice would be great thank you
Jj - 4-Jul-18 @ 11:07 PM
Ks02guy - Your Question:
I am asking for a friend. He has seperated and is going through divorce proceedings. His wife has currently agreed to have 50 50 split on the children in relation to where they stay etc. His eldest son is wanting to live with him at 13 or stay as much as possible. If this is more than the 50 50 agreement, how would that work?

Our Response:
If your friend and his ex cannot agree between them, then mediation is the next option for them to consider with regards to coming to an agreement. Some parents agree to take one child each. It sounds in your friends case, the case of who lives where may still be up to negotiation.
DivorceResource - 29-Jun-18 @ 3:37 PM
I am asking for a friend. He has seperated and is going through divorce proceedings. His wife has currently agreed to have 50 50 split on the children in relation to where they stay etc. His eldest son is wanting to live with him at 13 or stay as much as possible. If this is more than the 50 50 agreement, how would that work?
Ks02guy - 29-Jun-18 @ 2:37 PM
Doting mum- Your Question:
My husband and I have been seperated for about 2 years 7 months. We broke up when my then 5 year old accused him of sexual assault. It was investigated by the police but they did not take it to Court because they did not feel there was enough evidence to secure a conviction even though my son was consistant and the medical report was consistant with sexual abuse. He is threatening to get full custody and is adamant that he will get it because he was not convicted. He was however convicted of growing cannibis and got a 2 year suspended sentance. So he has a criminal record. Is there any chance that he will get custody. I am terrified of my son ever being alone with him. My son still remembers and does not want to be alone with him. What kind of advice could you offer please.

Our Response:
Even regardless of your ex's convictions and investigation, it is very rare that a court will take a child from the resident parent and hand the child to over to the non-resident parent unless absolutely necessary.
DivorceResource - 4-Jun-18 @ 12:29 PM
My husband and i have been seperated for about 2 years 7 months. We broke up when my then 5 year old accused him of sexual assault. It was investigated by the police but they did not take it to Court because they did not feel there was enough evidence to secure a conviction even though my son was consistant and the medical report was consistant with sexual abuse. He is threatening to get full custody and is adamant that he will get it because he was not convicted. He was however convicted of growing cannibis and got a 2 year suspended sentance. So he has a criminal record. Is there any chance that he will get custody. I am terrified of my son ever being alone with him. My son still remembers and does not want to be alone with him. What kind of advice could you offer please.
Doting mum - 1-Jun-18 @ 5:25 PM
Poppi - Your Question:
Currently still cohabiting (and have been for past two years) with to be ex husband. house is due to sell soon and need to arrange residency for our two girls (one 14 one 10). in past two years he’s contributed to mortgage and utility bills but I’ve basically provided everything else financially/ kept house and been girls main parent as he’s self inprisoned himself in single room in house not talking to girls for days on end. now we’re moving out he wants 50/50 care share. eldest doesn’t want this (very tense relationship) and only wants every second weekend. youngest just wants fairness? which he’s told her is week on week off. how do I progress these conflicting issues and his previous care of them?

Our Response:
In situations such as this, mediation is your best course of action where you cannot agree between yourselves, please see link here.
DivorceResource - 24-May-18 @ 3:29 PM
Currently still cohabiting (and have been for past two years) with to be ex husband ... house is due to sell soon and need to arrange residency for our two girls (one 14 one 10) ... in past two years he’s contributed to mortgage and utility bills but I’ve basically provided everything else financially/ kept house and been girls main parent as he’s self inprisoned himself in single room in house not talking to girls for days on end ... now we’removing out he wants 50/50 care share ... eldest doesn’t want this (very tense relationship) and only wants every second weekend ... youngest just wants fairness? which he’s told her is week on week off ... how do I progress these conflicting issues and his previous care of them?
Poppi - 24-May-18 @ 12:33 AM
a father - Your Question:
Hello! one week ago I had to leave my wife and kids because we had an argument and her start to hit me holding in the same time one of my twin baby boy. I grabbed her and took my son from her arms and tried to calm her down. She start yelling like a crazy person. in that moment all I was thinking was my two twin boys(17 months old). I`m a father in uk, no one will give me the right to take them from her. Me and my wife , had a lot of problems in the past because her family and her problem with alcohool. I want to say I never been a fan of alcohool and quit smoking a few months ago. From the moment I quit smoking she start to be more agresive and she start drinking every weekend and even during the week. I was working most of the time and I can understand how hard is to be looking after two boys at once, but almost every day I was cleening the house, feed my kids, change their nappies, bath them. A couple of weeks ago, one of her sisters who was the nanny of my kids, decided to leave and my wife lost it from that time. I couldn`t get into the house without bringing the police. anyway, she ask the police to arest me because I assault her, or hit her. Police seid to her they cannot do that because she didnt had any marks on her body and I was the one with scratches on my hand, neck and head. I didnt report her, obviously. she is the mother of my kids. But now i`m struggling to see my kids. Iwent there and I left for my boys everything they needed(fresh fruits and vegetables, chicken, milk, nappies etc etc) I paid for the bills and she is forcing me to pay for everything( rent, pocket money for her , bills, food, clothes) I dont mind to pay everything for my kids. But I don`t have the obligation to give her money for her needs. I dont want to say anything about what kind of person is she. I want to know if is a possibility to take my kids with me and take care of them. Now i`m not allow to see them, even we discuss to meet in a public place for her to feel comfortable. For me not having the possibility to see my kids only it is the worse nightmare and I want to know if I can take them from her. Thank you so much for your time!

Our Response:
Taking your children from their other parent, is never a good idea, it can backfire , the police can get involved. What may work as a short-term gain can end up being a long-term loss if it goes wrong or backfires. If your ex is distrustful of you currently, then it will be worse if you try to 'take' your kids. Plus, this is not going to look good in court (whatever you say your reasons may be). If you wish to gain access or apply for residency of your children, you are advised to go through the process laid out here. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. With regards to child maintenance, your ex can put a claim into CMS. As a non-resident parent you are by law obligated to help support them financially in their day-to-day care. All non-resident parents are required to do this and payment has to be made to the resident parent (unless the resident parent agrees it can go straight to the kids).
DivorceResource - 4-May-18 @ 12:15 PM
Hello! one week ago i had to leave my wife and kids because we had an argument and her start to hit me holding in the same time one of my twin baby boy. I grabbed her and took my son from her arms and tried to calm her down. She start yelling like a crazy person. in that moment all i was thinking was my two twin boys(17 months old). I`m a father in uk, no one will give me the right to take them from her. Me and my wife , had a lot of problems in the past because her family and her problem with alcohool. I want to say I never been a fan of alcohool and quit smoking a few months ago. From the moment i quit smoking she start to be more agresive and she start drinking every weekend and even during the week. i was working most of the time and i can understand how hard is to be looking after two boys at once, but almost every day i was cleening the house, feed my kids, change their nappies, bath them. A couple of weeks ago, one of her sisters who was the nanny of my kids, decided to leave and my wife lost it from that time. i couldn`t get into the house without bringing the police. anyway, she ask the police to arest me because i assault her, or hit her. Police seid to her they cannot do that because she didnt had any marks on her body and i was the one with scratches on my hand, neck and head. i didnt report her, obviously. she is the mother of my kids. But now i`m struggling to see my kids. Iwent there and ileft formy boys everything they needed(fresh fruits and vegetables, chicken, milk, nappies etc etc) I paid for the bills and she is forcing me to pay for everything( rent, pocket money for her , bills, food, clothes) I dont mind to pay everything for my kids. But i don`t have the obligation to give her money for her needs. i dont want to say anything about what kind of person is she. I want to know if is a possibility to take my kids with me and take care of them. Now i`m not allow to see them, even we discuss to meet in a public place for her to feel comfortable. For me not having the possibility to see my kids only it is the worse nightmare and i want to know if i can take them from her. Thank you so much for your time!
a father - 1-May-18 @ 11:32 PM
Summer - Your Question:
Hi I left an emotionally abusive marriage last year after years of suffering. There were verbal insults and also two occasions of physical abuse. He was also becoming extremely aggressive and angry towards. We have two children ages 8 and 5. I reported him to the police (they came to the house and filmed me) and social services became as there is a MARAC on kids records. (My ex works in a school and was investigated). He was eventually cleared on the proviso of doing marriage counselling and anger counselling but this was never followed up by social services. Nothing changed he never put any effort or tried to make the marriage work and now he wants to divorce me. I have accepted it and don’t want to be wjth him either and want out of this marriage. He is amicable and wants me to take children back to my home town where the schools are far better, area and house is better than current living arrangements. I will also have supper of grandparents. He has no practical support and can not afford to look after kids full time. A parent plan has been drawn up with the sol. I wonders can he gain full custody in future with his background? I have no proof

Our Response:
If you are the day-to-day primary carer of your children and continue in this role, it is unlikely a court would pass over residency of the children to your ex. The courts like children to have consistency and stability in their lives and will not remove children from one parent to another unless absolutely necessary.
DivorceResource - 20-Apr-18 @ 11:07 AM
Hi I left an emotionally abusive marriage last year after years of suffering. There were verbal insults and also two occasions of physical abuse. He was also becoming extremely aggressive and angry towards . We have two children ages 8 and 5. I reported him to the police (they came to the house and filmed me) and social services became as there is a MARAC on kids records. (My ex works in a school and was investigated). He was eventually cleared on the proviso of doing marriage counselling and anger counselling but this was never followed up by social services. Nothing changed he never put any effort or tried to make the marriage work and now he wants to divorce me. I have accepted it and don’t want to be wjth him either and want out of this marriage. He is amicable and wants me to take children back to my home town where the schools are far better, area and house is better than current living arrangements. I will also have supper of grandparents. He has no practical support and can not afford to look after kids full time. A parent plan has been drawn up with the sol. I wonders can he gain full custody in future with his background? I have no proof
Summer - 14-Apr-18 @ 9:54 AM
@Steve - get in contact with them. What have you got to lose? At least you can explain yourself now they are older. I'm really sorry that you had to spend your life away from them. But as a father, I would have been getting in touch the day they reached 18.
SamLo - 5-Apr-18 @ 12:57 PM
In my experience I think not missmum. The only way I could see to stop the threats, abuse and upset to our children was to walk away after being pushed away, I too was punched in the face, threatened, lied to and after spending 5 years converting a house from a two bedroom to a three, new kitchen bathroom, windows, I worked so hard only to be told she waited until I had finished the house before she decided to have an affair, in those six months I looked after our children more and more while she spent her time with the new boyfriend. I took my wedding vows seriously. This is why I say that each case should be looked at. I feel the courts are too busy with all these cases. You are being reasonable allowing access and hopefully it will get a lot better for you. I recon in the long term it was better for our children not to be subjected to the hassle, I always remember Easter delivering eggs for our children, dropped them off at the front door, turned round in the car, only for her to throw the eggs under the car as I drove away, seriously, stable well adjusted parent who thinks of her children first. As I said 70/30 no matter what she done according to my solicitor. Maybe different now, but I will never know, I did not marry again and never will. Even my ex wife’s solicitor spoke to me afterwards and said, we do make mistakes and I wish you well in the future. I hope all works out for you missmum, do not give up on your child, the most important thing in all this, best wishes..
Steve - 1-Apr-18 @ 11:19 PM
In 1997 when my son was seven and my daughter was six, I found my then wife sleeping with somebody else, after that night she wanted a divorce. I went for custody of our two children through the courts, after six months I was evicted from my home, told by the Cambridge probation service I could visit them, I told them and the courts that she had told me that she would make my life hell concerning the children. I divorced her in 1998, . Every time I went to pick the children up she said they were not there, we went back to court and she was told to abide by the rules, but again and again they were not there for me to see them, after 8 months of constant lies, threats and upset I decided it would be best to just stay away for the sake of us all. I have never been in contact with my children to this day. I told the court what would happen, In fact both my ex’s parents wanted me to have full custody until she wrote to them and said that if she gained full custody and they backed me, that she would stop them seeing the children. I believe the law is a complete shambles when it comes to this sort of thing. I lost my children, my home, my business because my then wife decided to sleep with someone else. Through a divorce the father usually ends up with virtually nothing and stripped for child maintenance even if they are not allowed to see his children. To start again in a lot of cases is difficult. I still miss them to this day. I am 56 years old and still cry on many occasions thinking about them.... each case should be looked at before decisions are made. Back then I was told by my solicitor that it would be 70.30 to the mother. Oh by the way the reason my wife had so much time with our children was that she never worked after we had our son, no wonder back then that parenting was not shared, I was too busy providing a home which was eventually taken away from me. Still at least her new lover could afford to spend more time with the children, saving grace I suppose.......
Steve - 1-Apr-18 @ 10:16 PM
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