Questionnaire: Is Your Spouse Really the Problem?

All too often we take out our frustrations on the people closest to us, and the ones we really trust. Internalizing problems can mean that your spouse, partner or other family members – who don’t deserve it – bear the brunt of our problems. However you may find it difficult to pinpoint the reason for your marital problems, which could simply be manifesting as a general feeling of unhappiness or resentment. The following questionnaire is intended to help you try to pinpoint where things have gone wrong for you and whether the source of your problems is within your marriage, or is as a result of external factors.
When you and your spouse argue, what are you arguing about?
Is it something that can be attributed to one person’s actions (an affair, spending too little time at home, a lack of money, loss of a job, etc) or is it that you are arguing about ‘mundane things?’ If there is a specific problem, this needs to be openly and honestly discussed. Both spouses should express how they feel with a view to trying to resolve it. If there is a more general sense of discontentment between you:If there is something that has upset you...
or is worrying you, have you told your spouse how you feel?Often, sharing your worries, concerns and insecurities will give you a sense of relief. However, it may be that you aren’t sure what it is that is making you feel unhappy. In this case:
How do you feel about yourself at the moment?
If you find it hard to answer this question, what would you like to change about yourself, if anything? This is an important topic because often if you are unhappy with yourself you can reflect this in your treatment of your spouse.If your marriage is the problem, when did this start?
If you are unhappy in your marriage and are considering divorce, what has changed? You didn’t walk down the aisle feeling this way. Think back to the last time that you were happy in your marriage, and consider what has changed since then. Have there been external factors that have hurt you or your spouse (to do with work, money, children, other family members or something else?) List the things that have happened since that time. What could you have done differently, if anything?This exercise is designed to help you come to terms with your feelings and pinpoint the issues you are experiencing. It may help if you write down all that you feel you want to say, put that document away and then revisit it in a couple of days’ time. This could help you decide what the main issues are so that you are in a better position to talk to your spouse, rather than throwing a lot of issues at them.
Having Difficult Conversations
Once you have ascertained what the issues are that you want to resolve, begin the discussion in a non-confrontational way. This means not starting the conversation with an accusation, criticism or sarcastic comment, but rather approaching it with an open-minded, and calm, tone of voice and manner.Take responsibility for your own feelings and actions, be prepared to compromise, and keep tabs on your own emotions – if you feel that you are losing your temper, leave the room and return to the conversation later on.
Re: Can a Wife Force Her Husband to Move Out?
Hi. Someone I know is divorcing their husband. The husband has agreed to selling the house but claims by living…
Re: Marital and Non-marital Assets
Hi I’m sorry to ask but I’m going to be homeless after my marriage has turned really bad I have 2 children 5and 9 I would…
Re: Can I Legally Force My Ex to Sell Our Property?
I am divorced from my wife but want to sell the marital home that she still lives in. The mortgage is in…
Re: Buying Your Ex Out of the Family Home
Hi, My boyfriend has finally come to an agreement with his ex wife. She is buying him out of his half share of the…
Re: A Partner Who is Addicted to Alcohol or Drugs
Me and my wife have been together for over 20 years but married for about 8 years now For years now she has…
Re: Becoming Intentionally Homeless: Your Rights
My wife admitted Adultery and unreasonable behaviour in 2014 after liying saying it was me She turned kids…
Re: Can a Wife Force Her Husband to Move Out?
I want to get my husband out We been married 56years he tells me I'm stupid and won't change How can I get him…
Re: Becoming Intentionally Homeless: Your Rights
Me and my husband haven't been getting on , hes drinking and its getting worse. I've asked him to leave, hes…
Re: Changed Your Mind About a Divorce?
My ex-husband and I divorced in 2009 and we got back together a few months ago.....is our divorce voided or do we have to…
Re: Can I Legally Force My Ex to Sell Our Property?
Hi there, We have a house in Joint names with my male partner. We have been together for 5 years…